Looking for Motivation

Dear Single Mama,

Looking for motivation here. Sometimes, well most of the time, it feels like just getting through the day is an accomplishment. At the end of it I am so tired I have passed out before my head even hits the pillow.

The thing is, even as I struggle from one day to the next, I still dream of all the things I used to dream of before the struggle. I still have aspirations and desires. There is an exotic beach somewhere out there that I should be sitting on. There is a big house in the suburbs that I should own the title to. There is a whole life I should be living but am not. I still dream of it. I still want it. The road to get there is very long. All uphill. I’m talking literally walking to that exotic beach I dream of. That kind of journey. Yet I would like to undertake it. I feel like my dreams are within my grasp. I could almost reach out and touch them. I just need to find incredible strength and determination to reach them. Because you see, in my mind, that is all that is missing. If I was only motivated enough I could get to where I wanted to be. Sure, I am already working a demanding full-time job and raising two kids solo. I haven’t slept in over a decade and I am suffering from chronic exhaustion but if I could just be more motivated I could overcome all that and be a raging success. Of course, I understand that that’s absurd. I know, logically, that I am already far beyond stretched. I can feel how fried my brain is at the end of a long work week. I can see the physical and mental toll that being a lone parent has taken on me. It is apparent, I don’t even need to look very hard.

But I still want it all. I can’t help but dream and want more. So what to do? How do I push myself to do more? How do I rescue us from this life of longing? No one is coming to save us and so I look around for the motivation to create a miracle. If only I was more, we could have so much.